So… I’m in this season where I’m finding my creativity reawakened. My creativity and my courage. You can’t have creativity without courage.
My life right now.. Is an epic mess. I’m a bit desperate and broken and lost. But. Beginning simultaneously to be wildly joyful. Joyful like I’ve never known. Joy that is exuberant and fun and also… Strong. This joy is my strength.
I realized a week or two ago that I’ve developed this crazy, chronic anxiety. I didn’t know.. It just came to me. I was walking and agonizing over unsolvable questions and I realized… I can’t remember the last time my whole mind wasn’t screaming at me in a kind of terror. And I can’t live like this. Which is a very dark place to be.
It’s also an amazing place to be, because with the realization comes the ability to ask for healing. Merci Dieu.
And somehow now… In surrender I already find healing. It’s amazing. Problems remain unsolved oui, but healing is far better than answers. (I mean if I must be homeless – please God no – but if I must be, I can do that if I can do it with joy…) So by some miracle I am laying my burdens down at the feet of Jesus and I am breathing again and I am believing for transformation yet I am transformed even before I fully believe…..
And here is my creativity restored. The breath of life in my spirit. My hope, which is everything.
Creativity though must be carefully stewarded, consistently nurtured, and above all allowed to breathe. So while the ideas are singing again within my spirit, I have to make the space and listen to them. And I absolutely must act on them. Ideas that are breathing are flowing out and communing with the world and morphing constantly into newer brighter better beings. (Thus the wildly messy writing here.. Et oui the incorrect use of ellipses. I have a writer friend who can’t stand it, but I read once that Georgia O’Keeffe refused to subscribe to grammatical correctness in her letters, so.) Making space for these ideas will mean consistent time alone and remote, along with disciplined action to bring things into fruition. Even in a preliminary form. If I can’t paint a culminative work today, I can scribble a figure. I must do one or the other.
And I can write a raw, in-the-moment account of my tumultuous mind.
So, for the moment, I present to you my work…..