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Summer Solstice, June 2019

I’m learning that life is so much larger than the things I think I want.

It’s the Summer Solstice today and, like so many of my days in recent memory, I desperately want this to be a new beginning. I’m craving the landmark moment that is forever described as “Before, and After...”

But of course it’s all a part of the journey and and an essential part and so I know I’ll never actually “arrive.” And there are thousands of things that are fully behind me. So many befores and afters. And there’s so much liberation in that.

And my Summer 2019 is only now just beginning and it’s already...
Unlike anything that’s ever been in my past.

I’ve been thinking lately about the concept of the “happiness cap,” how they say - I can’t remember who “they” are in this instance but I love them because it resonates so much - they say that we often pre-determine the level of happiness to which we’re allowed to achieve. And if anything is too good or too high above this sort of safety net, we self-sabotage or create imagined circumstances to keep our own happiness at whatever level we’ve chosen. So it’s completely fear-based, of course. But this doesn’t have to be. We can reject this tendency. We can be wildly happy. Flying high in the clouds. We can choose happiness, regardless of any fears attached...

So in this current season, which is for me somewhat desperate (insert details I don’t want to share and no one wants to know)... I can still say that it’s genuinely NEW. In the best sense. I’m in an awakening. I’ve never seen or experienced anything like this moment before. My heart is being healed and changed and my eyes... It feels like they’re being lifted up towards great expectations. At least, these were the words and thoughts I felt in my heart at the beginning of this year. And now, strangely, and through none of my own efforts, these sort of heavenly visions are being woven into my waking and sleeping and everyday existing…

I find myself renewed.